Did I lose you?
I'm sorry. I rant you see and even now as I type this I wonder what some stranger across the United States will think of me if by any chance they read this... My automatic assumption is they will hate me. The cocky side of me wants to keep saying they will love me so much that it causes them to hate me but that's on a much deeper level and we won't get into that.
My emotions are something that makes me feel like me. If I am feeling "dead" inside I am feeling emotionless. I am passionate And I feel that is a quality that some people have lost... And I just so happen to grow up with some trivial people who "normally" influence an individual's life in were direct and immediate contact with me through my entire life who were in fact "passionless".
Sorry but I'm not sorry. Did I make you question our relationship and make you wonder if I'm talking about you? If that thought even crossed your mind I want you to follow up your own subconscious questions with this one: What are you to your very core passionate about? Now I said to your core. CORE. You can be passionate about your children because you brought them to life... Sure. But is that the real answer you're going to go with? If you came up with an answer to the passion question and you're sure that I couldn't be talking about you then we solved it-- I'm not taking about you. I am going to digress...
I think "normally" THAT much direct contact with people who are supposed to represent what "normal" is-- will completely deflate any sort of passion within you almost "naturally". Or instinctively if you feel that it's necessary for survival.
I managed to find my passion early... And at first it was extremely secretive, but it allowed me harvest and grow my abilities and I may not put all my work in Facebook, or my portfolio websites for eyes to see but I certainly am learning constantly and still growing my talent.
God led me to people who would plant more seeds, and encourage me to grow.
God saves me before during and after trial and tribulation. Before: creating nerves to withstand- a heart to stand up- and the mind to speak. During: just making sure I didn't get too much to bring me to the end of my sanity and life to be honest. And after : using me as a guide for someone who he will design similar to me. I shouldn't be the way I am to most people because they haven't been through what I have, they haven't seen the things I have, they haven't felt the hurt that I have. Not that my hurt is better or greater than yours it's just MY hurt. So putting themselves briefly in my shoes leads them to the conclusion that I shouldn't be normal.
Im here to tell you folks My god is so good like that. So no, I am not normal, and I'm proud of that. I wouldn't change it for the world. But to those who have asked me that or stated something similar along those lines to me- after hearing my story and seeing what I do, for my self and other people, how even though I thoroughly I believe in the "do unto others as you would have done unto yourself" so deliberately hurting others is a tragedy in my eyes-- how could you look at me after all of that and not believe in anything not even God? I feel like I should be posting some verse of "blindly following God" up here. Believing in him is the start. Stories like mine he created to start in your mind that very process.
Plant the seed.
Now he's going to water it.
"Let it grow , let it grow"
This is going to be my "New normal" post.
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